In answering this question, here are some thoughts and passages from the Bible on handling suffering from a talk I did called When Dreams Crash. Right before this talk I lost my brother to cancer. He was my spiritual mentor, friend and so much growing up. I hope the words and mostly the passages give you some help as you experience difficult times.
Can we expect any comfort at all when our questions go unanswered?
What do we do when life does not turn out like we planned?
Handling suffering or disappointments is a matter of responding to them from the proper perspective.
I. LIFE’S DETOURS: ROADBLOCKS TO OUR DREAMS
#1 Unrealistic Expectations
#2 Uncontrollable Circumstances
Roadblocks are part of life and God allows them in our lives for a reason. But, even as we in the midst of tough times, God promises to do life with us in the midst of things.
So that no one would be unsettled by these trials. You know that we were destined for them. (I Thes 3:3)
Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows; but cheer up, for I have overcome the world. (John 16:33)
II. WHEN DREAMS CRASH: HOW DO I RESPOND? … gaining perspective on handling disappointments ...
#1 Gain a fresh awareness that God is with us in our disappointments.
Be strong! Be courageous! Do not be afraid of them! For the Lord your God will be with you. He will never fail you nor forsake you. (Deut 31:6)
This High Priest [Jesus Christ] of ours understands our weaknesses since He had the same temptations we do, though He never once gave way to them and sinned. (Heb 4:15)
Fear not for I am with you ... I will help you. (Isa 41:10)
#2 Re-focus on the ultimate goal in life: becoming more like Christ in character and action.
[But now I say] I had heard about you before, but now I have seen you. (Job 42:5)
And we know that all that happens to us is working for our good if we love God and are fitting into His plans. (Rom 8:28)
Since I know it is all for Christ’s good, I am quite happy about “the thorn,” and about insults and hardships, persecutions and difficulties; for when I am weak, then I am strong - the less I have, the more I depend on Him (2 Cor 12:10).
#3 Disappointments loosen our grip on unimportant things in life.
When all kinds of trials and temptations crowd into your lives, don’t resent them as intruders, but welcome them as friends! Realize that they come to test your faith and to produce in you the quality of endurance. (James 1:2-4)
Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. (Rom 5:3-5)
#4 God allows suffering and disappointment to interrupt our lives so that He can comfort us in ways that we may have never experienced.
What a wonderful God we have - he is the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the source of every mercy, and the one who so wonderfully comforts and strengthens us in our hardships and trials. So that when others are troubled, needing our sympathy and encouragement, we can pass on to them this same help and comfort God has given us. (2 Cor 1:3-4)
#5 Perhaps the ultimate answer to life’s disappointments is the hope of heaven.
For I know that my Redeemer lives, and He shall stand at last on the earth; and after my skin is destroyed, this I know, that in my flesh I shall see God. (Job 19:25-26)
For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For things which are seen are temporary but the things which are not seen are eternal. (2 Cor 4:17-18)
I think that what we suffer in this life can never be compared to the glory, as yet unrevealed, which is waiting for us ... (Rom 8:18)
... in the face of suffering ... do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised. (Heb 10:32, 35)
#6 Experience is a great teacher.
These are the trials through which we triumph, by the power of Him who loved us. (Rom 8:37)
We all have to experience many hardships, they said, before we enter the kingdom of God. (Acts 14:22)
#7 Time is a great healer.
This means tremendous joy to you, even though at present you may be temporarily harassed by all kinds of trials. This is no accident - it happens to prove your faith, which is infinitely more valuable than gold, and gold, as you know, even though it is ultimately perishable, must be purified by fire. ( 1 Pet. 1:6-7)
* HOW DOES GOD REBUILD HOPE IN US?
He’s the God of the second chance!
So I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten (Joel 2:25).
PERSONAL TAKE-AWAY
The only cure for suffering is to face it head on … grasp it around the neck … and use it.
You have changed my sadness into a joyful dance (Ps 30:11).